"Ashraff"

"Asharaff"

by Abdullahi Bashir

Since I turned the age of 14, my life has been filled with tragedies.  If that is what fate had in store for me, then I humbly accept it.  Nevertheless, God has bestowed us humans with the ability and the will to make choices - whether they are right or wrong- and these choices eventually leads to our fate.  I have made some bad choices in my life.  Some were irreversible fatal choices and now I ask for forgiveness.  I am in a state of repentance.  This story, my story will be told not for pity sake.  However, as you might know or might not know, acceptance is a one way street towards forgiveness.  With acceptance, comes forgiveness and that shall ease the pain that regret have trapped me in.Thus, I whole heartily will narrate my tale to you, in order to fulfill that first step.  If my tragedies influence you in a positive manner, then to God I pray, may he bless you in that right path.FLASH BACK -One Month ago- Scene --- I am in a jewelry store.  The store owner has a shotgun pointed smack down the middle of my forehead with intent to kill.  See, I had walked in that store not as a customer; my plot was to commit a robbery.  I was strapped with a 45 caliber, a property of the gang that I had intended on joining.  This robbery, this mission was a test, - it was my right of passage - upon its success, I would officially be admitted in this gang.  I had chosen to adopt this life style after the death of my heart.

FLASHBACK - 6 months ago-- Scene --- I am sitting at the edge of my mother's deathbed.  Whatever life that is left in her - whatever breath that is left in her - she had stored them in order to give me a farewell speech.  She calls me by my name - Ashraff - but I am numb- unable to utter a word.  My body shivers and uncontrolled tears drain from my eyes.  She repeats "Ashraff," and I replied "hoyo."  She states, "son, I am dying and I would like you to hear me out…." She then recites to me -her words--her poem--  At the end, I nod my head, so that my mother, my heart, realizes that I am listening.  While I pray to God that he takes my life instead.  As though my mother hard my prayers, she states, "Son, it is better that I die before you, no mother can bear the death of her child.  For this I am grateful to God. “After a few moments, she resumes  "Ashraff, Son, do you know the meaning of your name?"  I nodded NO" While awaiting her reply, (SILENCE)……….. I refused to look up.  The flow of my heart changed its rhythm, this was sufficient evidence that she has passed away.  I proceeded to pray for her for hours and hours and hours.

Flashback - back to the jewelry store - scene.  My 45 caliber is still aimed at the store owners head.  His shotgun, still in the same position, unwavering.  I knew then, that death was lurking.  It was either his turn or my turn to go.  By now, you wonder why I had intended to join this gang.  Well, after the death of my mother, I was lost.  I had lost the will to think, I had lost the heart to care, I had lost the footsteps to guide me in the right direction and I had lost a place to fit in.  This gang had promised to fill that void in my life.  I was yearning for a place of my own and a people of my own.  At this very moment, in this store, I was in too deep.  I knew the inside scoop of the gang and there was no way out.  But I had never taken a life before.  "ASHARAFF!!!!! Screamed the driver (a careless lunatic who recently got admitted to this gang).  "I hear sirens"  get this shit over with."  I felt my fingers pulling on the trigger.  "Asharaf," son do you know the meaning of your name? Said the store owner.  Upon hearing that, I release my grip and nodded no.  And he replied, "it means more distinguished, more noble, and more honorable.  Whoever bestowed you with that name had great hopes for you son."  I went numb, unable to utter a word.  My body was shivering and uncontrollable tears drain from my eyes…………. WHY HAD I NOT ABIDE BY MY MOTHER'S WORDS, HER POEM… SHE HAD STATED__________
Son, life is anything but ordinary
It is full of surprises and misery, but on the contrary
Happiness, is what you should pursue
Grab life by the throat, make it crumble, it true
It's the survival of the fittest, but my blood runs through your veins
If you hesitate, life would crash you and drive you insane
So, hold your ground, find your purpose, fight for what your believe
Family is your number one priority, they ain't never gonna leave
Be conscious of those around you, choose your friends wisely
Education is vital to your existence, live life to the fullest, nicely
Be you, be true, hope, dream, smile even when in pain
Rise as you fall, and remember to attain
Freedom within, shape your own identity
Your country awaits you, Islam in its simplicity
Is a way of life, be the gatekeeper of your domain
Treat women as your equal, the main
Point is, that they are all queens, be a good father,
Son, husband, and friend, can't be perfect, but rather
Be the best, in everything that you do,

And remember to always think twice before making a choice…. Always think twice…….

………………………………………………………….

…. Now….

THE FLOW OF MY HEART REVERSED TO ITS ORIGINAL RHTYM.  I placed the gun on the counter and proceeded to walk away.  Within a matter of seconds, the driver walks in, he catches the store owner off guard and shoots him!  And death came to collect his debt.  The driver stares at me, picks up the gun from the counter, and he informs me that this gun is "dirty."  As in it has a history of unsolved homicide.  My ears were ringing from the gun shot and the shock that my mind was in.  I am now an associate of a murderer, of a gang with a history of murders.  This crime carries a life in prison.  Unable to processes my thoughts, I preceded to run and I ran.  Two other gun shots fired by the driver, a person whom I considered a brother.  This time one of the bullet went through my back and into my spine.  It fractured it.  The other one went through my skull and left me brain dead.

Scene…. In this present moment…..the bullets paralyzed my entire body indefinitely.  Now, not only am I unable to walk or move, I am unable to eat, a tube is inserted through my mouth, in order to nourish me.  The doctors offered me a choice of ending my own life, I declined it and now officials are contemplating whether I should be awaiting a trial.  Nevertheless, as I stated before, the choices that we make, whether right or wrong determine our fate.  So, what choices have you made today?

[caption id="attachment_845" align="alignleft" width="200" caption=" (c) 2010 mohamud mumin"][/caption]

Name: Abdullahi Shariff Bashir

Born and raised in East Africa.

Graduated from The University of Minnesota. with a Masters in English Education.
He is currently in the teaching field.

Co-founder of Ka Joog Non-profit Organization...an organization serving the Youth in Minnesota.

Photo (c) 2010 mohamud mumin