Going out with Xaliimo

By: Ato Shaair

Galabta I am feeling all good for two sabab: reasonka hore is I am taking Xaliimo out to balan and that involves to maqaayad and to Shaneemo. I don’t know which one aan Horumariyo. Should we first go to the shaneemadda and ka dib dinner or the other way around. Eating late night waa laga fiican yahay unless you gonna be up habeenkoo dhan which could be the case since we maryooleey are like night owls or like baranbaro mugdiga soo baxdo. Laakiin I just xasuustay that beri is Saturday and Xaliimo wants to go to that Saturday night aroos. She has to be in bed for saacado to get her beauty sleep; waa sideey hadalka u dhigtee. She doesn’t want to go there iyadoo indho-fiiqan and gooman dhaadheer. Midda kale, I can’t have another night of dhafar and partying. I was up xalay oo dhan chewing qaat and smoking Shisha. So it is got to be an early movie, then casho, then coming back to xaafad and getting some deserved hurdo. A good qorsho or plan right?

Xaliimo and I had a brief hadal over the phone. This was markii ugu horeeysay I talk to her over teleefanka. I wasn’t nervous rack like markii hore that she was here at our guri. Mida kale her sexy cod was soothing and macaan. We discussed waxaan sameeyn doono and how it is going to be heer sare to be all kaligeen. But to my qalbi-jab, she wants Faadumo Gaab to come with us. I first said maya! I had to totally diid sheekadan raqiista ah. Who I am dating here? Xaliimo Xuural Ceyn or Gaabeey Madax-Burjiko, the notorious gaanjibo and gang-leader in the Xaafad? No way Jose! Yaa la caarifaa? I want this balan to be all kaligeey with Xaliimo and to have waqti fiican with her kaliya and not a whole bunch of gaanjibayaalka Xaafadda.

I protested and expressed my ka-soo-horjeed of this but Xaliimo suggested that I should bring one of my saaxiibayaal to fix with Gaabo? Are you kaftanning me ? who , in his right maskax will go with gaabo? Xaliimo gave me kama danbeeyn, If gaabo is not coming, no balan, no movie or no casho aadoow! I tried to reason with Xaliimo but to no guul. These Somali chicks are madax adeegyaa walaahi. What a dilemma! I had to aqbal this lame soo-jeedin and I said waayahay like baari wax jecel. I told her inaan pick -up gareenaayo at maqribka in front of gurigeeda.

Well, I had to get my hommie, Cali-Atoore. He is the coolest xariif in the xaafad who will never disappoint you and mar kasta gets your back when aad u baahato. Atoore said yes to being a double date. He is into shorties and since Faadumo Gaabo is a thick shorty, I think he is gonna have a blast with her. Besides, when it comes to indho-adeegnimo and being cool-cat, he is raggeedii. I had to codsi this from him to keep Gaabo mashquul and to not outsmart me or inuu isku dayo to be funnier or cooler than me. I have to impress Xaliimo and be the man! Atoore assures me that wax kasta will be OK. Man, is this guy a friend la isku haleeyn karo or what?

Now that I took care of this, my next move was to get a nice gaari or Baabuur. My Qanax Geo Prism has muffler qaylo badan plus it only has labo albaab and it is too duq. Xaliimo drives a nice Camry cusub but since I am taking her out, I can’t ask her to isticmaal her car. So I phoned my other saaxiib Wiil Belaayo who works at BudgetCar Rentals. He can hook me up with a luxury car. When I called Wiil Belaayo , he told me that all luxury cars in la ijaartay for the weekend but he could hook me up with a full size Ford Expedition. This ma wanaagsana. Sababta hore, SUVs consume a lot of gas and I am qaac, broke-a$$ and ma awoodo to fill it up. Secondly, it is is tus-tus and an invitation for a carjacking. With all the madoow iyo mexican waalan in our ghetto xaafad, it is not safe be driving gaari noocaas ah habeenkii. I had to settle for a mercury iska dhexdhexaad ah.

Caawa is the night. I have casual labis , so is my saaxiib Cali Atoore. I called Xaliimo and she is running late. She is mashquul with something as usual but tells me she will be done soon in shan iyo toban daqiiqo which means about hour and half in the Somali time. It is all cool. I pray fast maqrib and ask Allah to make this balan go smooth. As I started my salaat, a loud music comes from Fadhiga. My sister Asli is now listening to Somali hees with Cali Atoore whom she had a crush before Hooyo found out and suggested she will be arranged to marry him just si looga nixiyo. She used to listen R&B and Rap but since this new reer came from Kenya, she is into Somali songs hadda. In a way, that is good but not now aan tukanaayo and not that hees of Maryan Mursal: “balantii aan dhiganaba waligaa ha beeneeyn, barashadii kalgacalkana bilaash yaaneey kula noqon” damn, I am in the middle of my salaat and I am following the lyrics of the hees my younger sister is listening to? Wiswaas fooqul wiswaas! And why it has to be balan and barasho? Not like that Magool song she was listening while ago: " Nin lagu seexdoow ha seexan" which my sister thinks is all about a naag telling her husband not to sleep and do his job at the sariirta, if you know what I mean? I am doomed. This could be a bad omen. I ka bax salaat and go to fadhi and shut the whole CD-Player. “ naga dami heesahaaga waalan” I shouted at Asli. I came back to my qol and xirtay another Salaat. I prayed degdeg and asked allah again to make this balan go smooth.

As soon as aan salaama noqsaday, I can hear Cali Atoore telling my sister our balan and double date. I don’t faham why this dude is a loud mouth? I knew inuu hadal badan yahay and I know he is trying to impress my sis. Asli ma ku faraxasana sheekaddan. She likes Xaliimo but just hates Gaabo just like me.

Intuusan sheegin the whole 411, i have to intervene. I summoned Ali Atoore to my room si dhaqso ah to make sure we are on the same page. “War caadi iska dhig saaxiiboow” was his answer. After half an hour, I get a call from Xaliimo. Waxeey ii sheegtay ineey ready tahay. Xaafadeeda is not that far. This is it. I and Cali Atoore are officially or si rasmi ah going to a date with Xaliimo and Faadumo Gaabo.

Continued